Drama Tips
As the moderator of a message board, I've learned a few things about handling online conflicts. Yes, drama, as it is often called, is bound to spring up on message boards from time to time, and if you spend enough time on one, the odds are good that you will take some part in it--whether you would like to or not.
Our board had enjoyed a fairly calm period prior to this month, but when Silver Peak and Sierra started feuding, it seemed like everyone's blood pressure rose a little (we had a contentious discussion this morning on the merits of photographing one's motorcycle while still wet from a wash.) So, with the smell of tension and contempt still heavy in the air, I offer these tips for emerging from message-board debates with your reputation and wits intact.
Play it cool If there's any one thing that will keep you from going insane on a message board, it is this: if ever you find yourself typing in anger, walk away from the computer. Anger just breeds more anger on the Internet, and I've seen real-life friends turn to enemies over things written in haste online.
Don't take it personal When someone shoots some criticism your way, your best bet is to think about what they're saying rather than just returning with an attack of your own. And if you find, after analysis, that their criticism has no merit, just tell them why you think it is so. If you do so without malice, and they return the favor, who knows? You may actually have a friendly, productive conversation.
I once had a woman severely criticize an essay I wrote. She was pretty condescending in her critique, but instead of just firing back a retaliatory response, I instead played it cool (remember rule one?) and handled her criticisms one by one in a very unhurried, scientist-like manner. She persisted with the anger for awhile, but after she saw that I was on the level, she calmed down too and we actually started to understand each other a bit. Imagine that.
Don't judge people by their online personnas Often, when I have read a few posts by a person, an image of that person begins to form in my mind. This is unintentional, but we all do it as a way of trying to visualize what is, as far as as we can see, an invisible entity.
Don't get too attached to that visualization. Nearly eveyone I meet from my board is much different in appearance and manner than I imagined when I read their posts, and many of them are way nicer and more agreeable than their online presence would suggest.
Don't be afraid to speak I find that the people who unleash the fieriest critiques are often the ones who have never posted before. And my suspicion is that many first-time posters of this sort have been building up this anger for awhile and not saying anything about it. This is a mistake. If you have something to say, say it before it starts to make you crazy. And once you've said it, don't be embarrassed or try to pull back. Stand up for you view, clarify more if you must, and I think you'll find you feel better at the end--so long as you abide by the other rules on this list, of course.
If someone really does make you angry, write to them personally Private messages are wonderful because they have a personal feel that regular posts can rarely achieve. When you send someone a private message, you can be sure that they aren't just grandstanding for an audience--they probably care about what they've sent you, and they aren't trying to make a spectacle out of anyone.
I know that when I receive a private message, it seems much more sincere than just a regular board post, even if it says esssentially the same thing. Plus, when you're speaking with someone privately, you can keep the conversation on track more easily (as opposed to on the board, where others are bound to post and confuse things.)
But don't feel so at ease that you write things you wouldn't want public. Cutting and pasting onto the General Board is not difficult, so be careful until you trust the person you're writing to.
Embrace the drama Let's face it: message boards are for conversations, and if no one ever said anything controversial or provocative, we probably wouldn't bother with them. Serious conversations, so long as they are reasonably respectful and constructive, are what make the message-board world go 'round. So before you bemoan people getting a little heated on the board, just remember: it's better for us to discuss the things we care about openly than to let them eat away at us from the inside.
Sure, there are some things that shouldn't be said on a message board, but you shouldn't worry about those too much. I am going to delete them anyway.
Have any others you'd like to share? Make a comment here and we can discuss that too.
See? Aren't discussions fun?
