(Further) Lowered Expectations
Four years ago on this day, I wrote a column about my birthday. It discussed how I had readjusted my childhood dreams to fit the realities of my 24-year-old life.
I won't lie to you: the new ambitions I described in that column reflected grimly on the state of my motocross career at the time. And sadly, the bad news did not stop there. At 28, I have not accomplished a single one of those lowly ambitions, and, in fact, I am now on hiatus from racing, making those goals infinitely more remote than they were four years ago.
Yet somehow, I am not completely without hope. I still love motocross as much as I ever have, and I still have some competitiveness flowing through me. So on this, my 28th birthday, I have decided to list some new lowered expectations.
--I would like to maintain my current level of speed, modest as it is in the big picture, into the near future. This probably sounds pretty simple to the kids out there, yet what they don't realize is that when you hit your late 20s and have a few injuries, your willingness to take risks plummets. So if I'm to keep rolling at the same rate, I have to compensate.
Will this mean riding smarter and becoming better at line choice? Probably. Will it mean dialing in my bike better, and maybe--just maybe--making some "creative" interpretations about certain rules regarding engine displacement? It's likely. Will it entail becoming a world-class blocker who resorts to brutal take-out moves anytime he finally gets passed? It is almost certain.
--I would like to get a reputation as a rider who, although not fast at every instant, still can ride fast when the mood strikes him.
As a younger rider, I knew a lot of these guys. They were all older than me, and while I'd blow by them in practice, somehow they found tons of extra speed when they actually left the starting gate. Now, of course, I know why: when you get a little older, you're less inclined to hang it out all the time, which is the name of the game when you're 19.
I was always taken aback when I finally had to run with those guys at full tilt, and I'd like to surprise tomorrow's 19-year-olds in the same way if I can.
--I would like to diversify my riding talents a bit. I've always been most at home on a motocross track, but I'd like to now test myself on the sorts of odd terrain I've never really ridden on: singletrack trails, gnarly rock sections, sand dunes, and so on.
I'd even like to get better at something that isn't dirt bikes at all, but kind of feels like it: downhill mountain biking. I have been riding a bit of that lately as a proxy for moto, and while I still have a long way to go before I can consider myself fast on a bicycle, maybe someday I could be lowered to the floor at a mountain bike race by a mechanical claw while techno music bumps (if you don't recognize the reference, check out the earlier column.)
--Finally, I would like to become a regular racer again someday. I stopped racing a few months ago because I hit a crossroads: while I still had some desire to be fast, I didn't have the time, money or necessary motivation to make it happen, and it was making the endeavor feel like a bit of a drag. Plus, I realized that when I get hurt now, it also puts strain into my family life because I'm unable to help out much with my two young daughters.
Still, in the not-too-distant future, my daughters will be older and more independent, and likely more able to help out when daddy's foot is swollen enough to resemble a summer squash. And I'm hoping that by then, I'll be able to let fun, rather than competitiveness, be the guiding force in my racing.
Maybe that's unrealistic, but I'm hoping not. Racing was one of the best parts of my life for a very long time, and I'd like to think that someday it may be again.
